Access is a privilege not a right. When your peace is on the line you have the authority to protect it.– Maven Lee
Sometimes our entire life revolves around supporting others. There are others who live life at the mercy of other peoples opinions. At times you might be that person who feels obligated to always respond. Some of us are those people who feel like our life requires that we are always available. And then there are those who believe their life can only get better if someone else helps them. We are at times conditioned to believe dependency will always be there to rescue us.
I understand all those people. Hell I was one of those people. Until I had no other choice but to be someone different. You see this wisdom was staring me in the face. Time and time again there were people in my life who is showing me what it meant to choose them.
Admittedly it was hard to see it sometimes. Choosing you sometimes will make you the villain in someone else’s story. That narrative made it hard for me to see that what they were doing was for them and less about hurting me. Now I know that might be hard for some people to understand. Yes some people in my life that choose them may never gain my love again or even my respect but they do get my understanding.
They keep my understanding because when I reached a crossroads in my life I understood that it was not only necessary but life or death that I CHOOSE ME!
I was going around in cycles. I was riding a bike in a never ending circle. And while I thought I knew who I was I really didn’t have time to see who I was becoming. I found myself feeling alone. And feeling alone wasn’t a new feeling, knowing was.
One day I woke up and realized people that I fell in love with moved on. Some of the folks I thought that did me wrong will never assume or even share accountability. And sometimes I was more toxic to myself then anybody else. It became clear to me that the world is moving without me. It was evident with a personality like mine nothing will change unless I make change intentional.
Days went by and I started to do things like turn off my phone. I went through my apps and decided which ones I really didn’t need. I’d let some folks reach out to me first. And you know those times where you always feel the need to respond… I didn’t.
These small changes left me with more time. And with that more time I was able to see things about myself that I loved, that I missed knowing exist, and that I needed to change or grow in.
Suddenly more life situations started to happen. In addition to the choices I made for myself life made choices for me too. As I reflect on at all I realize that choosing me saved my life.
There were some people who said things like you don’t call me anymore. And that made me realize they never called me. You don’t check on me. And then I realized they never checked on me. I noticed the amount of people that I neglected that actually showed up for me. The reality I imagined where I showed up for everyone was shattered. No I didn’t. Sometimes I didn’t show up for the people in my life that I acted so strong to mask their struggles or pain.
What’s understood is that some people understand your growth and some may not. And relationships have many purposes and many different timelines. We don’t always have to define how a relationship works around the way other people feel it should look like. Some relationships simply have expiration dates. Others have off days and vacations. Sometimes they get substitutes.
The people I share bonds with now have a much different tone than before. It’s one filled with compassion, understanding, and space. The freedom to be your whole self. The people I have in my space understand that we must be able to live our best personal lives to live beautiful lives with one another.
The more I chose me the more transparent and honest I became. This version of me has made it much easier to navigate relationships. This change has made my discernment of greater value. I feel in charge of my life because I Chose me.